Roots and wings: A Father's Day story

I'm here in New Hampshire. My daughter is in Connecticut. And my son, the recent college graduate, is in San Diego, or maybe Los Angeles, as he continues a cross-country journey by car.

You'd think I'd know exactly where he is at every mile of his trip. He has a cellphone that he carries with him all the time. I have a cellphone I carry with me all the time. Same with my daughter. And yet, we don't talk to each all other the time.

And I think that's a good thing.

As I approach Father's Day -- my 25th as a dad -- it's an interesting question for this Baby Boomer to ponder. When it comes to being in touch with your grown children, how much is too overbearing? How little makes them think I don't care?

I guess it comes down to this: I care enough not to bug them too much.

With my two kids and my wife Jane's four -- all six of them over 21 -- we have a fair amount of experience watching how children grow up and grow out of the house.

We have a magnet on our refrigerator that says: "Give your children two lasting things ... one is roots, the other, wings."

The hope is that we've grounded them enough so that we don't fret too much when they spread their wings and fly away.

It used to be while they were in college that we'd talk a few times a week. Now it's once a week or so.

They know they can get a hold of me when they need me. I know how I can get a hold of them when I need them.

It's a mutual trust between parents and children -- we trust in each other's love to know we're there for each other, even if we're not there.

It'll be the first Father's Day that I won't have the company of my son, David. It certainly won't be the last. As they get older and as circumstances will dictate, they won't be there in person to celebrate Father's Day. It's the same with birthdays and holidays. We'll be together for some, not for others.

The cellphones and Facebook and Twitter and email give us access to each other all the time. But the 24/7 means of being in touch in fact requires a delicate touch.

Roots ... and wings.

Make them grounded. Let them fly.