The Golden Age of Geezer Groans

I find myself uttering more than the usual number of geezer groans these days.

If you’re an aging Baby Boomer, you know what I’m talking about.

These are the groans when you haul your ass out of bed in the morning, or when you stand up from lounging too long on the couch, or when you just can’t rake another damn pile of lawn clippings.

I hate geezer groans.

I hate that I’m groaning on a geezer level.

As an aging Baby Boomer, I’ve put a few miles on this body and soul.

I’m wiser for the experience and the many miles on the odometer, but I’m also a little worn in the joints, ligaments and muscles, knees, shoulders and hips.

I’ve had a cranky back for a long, long time. So doing any kind of lifting -- shovels of snow, piles of leaves or lawn clippings -- will produce a loud groan after a while. It might be as much a groan of protest as it is a groan of soreness.

Over the past year or so I resolved and succeeded at losing 20 pounds or more after climbing on the scale one day and not liking at all what the scale’s numbers were telling me.

It’s not that I want to roll back the odometer as much as I want to keep the odometer spinning for as long as possible.

I’ve succeeded through diet and exercise to lose the weight. The diet -- the “Flat Belly Diet! For Men” -- doesn’t make me groan. The exercise regimen does.

Here’s what this week’s gym schedule looks like so far:

Monday - 5 mile treadmill run, 48:44.97

Tuesday - TreadClimber, 1:00:00

Wednesday - Group stationary bike exercise class (Spinning, for the unitiated), 1:00:00

Thursday - Lap swim, 30:00

Friday - Xtrainer, 30:00

This followed by equal parts Ibuprofen/Jack Daniels.

The push to keep the excess pounds at bay has its residual effects -- occasional soreness and stiffness … and the groans.

And there are the groans of expectation and anxiety.

You know how it is. You’ve got to do something you don’t want to do. See someone you don’t want to see. Feel something you don’t want to feel.

So you groan.

It’s a way to prep, to steel yourself for the inevitable. The root canal I had this week comes to mind.

Geezer groans are part of the physical and emotional part of growing old.

But here’s the challenge: Don’t grow old.

Let’s age but let’s not get old.